Trip to Hogwarts!!!
by StoryWriter12345
Summary: The evil characters in Austin Powers go to Hogwarts. I decided not to put it in crossovers. This is supposed to be some sort of
1. Trip to Hogwarts!!! part ONE

Trip to Hogwarts  
  
  
::::::: It is the year 2002. Dr. Evil and all the other evil people are in the Secret Volcano Lair, and they got mail.:::::::::::  
  
SCOTT: Mail? Who would send us mail?  
  
MINI ME: :::learned how to talk::: Anyone who saw the movie.  
  
MAIL PERSON: Um.... ::in a quivering voice:: you got mail, Mr. Evil sir.  
  
DR. EVIL: It's DR. Evil! DR. EVIL! NOT MR. EVIL!  
  
MAIL PERSON: Right... well, I guess I'll leave now... OW!!!!!  
  
DR. EVIL: NO, Mr. Bigglesworth! Don't bite the mailman!  
  
BIGGLESWORTH: MEOW!!!!!  
  
DR. EVIL: ...what?  
  
BIGGLESWORTH: MEOW!!!!!  
  
DR. EVIL: ... he... doesn't... like... cats? Oh, I don't care what happens to him. Number Two, please feed him to the mutated sea bass!  
  
NUMBER TWO: Um... Dr. Evil... The mutated sea bass have died because of ultra-violet rays.  
  
MINI ME: That's a lie! Fat Bastard ate them all!  
  
FAT BASTARD: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- okay, maybe I did.  
  
DR. EVIL: Then throw him in the lava thingie that Austin Powers almost died in.  
  
MAIL PERSON: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :::::::::sizzles in the lava thingie Austin Powers almost died in::::::::::::::  
  
DR. EVIL: As I have said before....... when I get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset... and when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, PEOPLE DIE!!!  
  
SCOTT: ......well?  
  
DR. EVIL: Well what?  
  
SCOTT: Read the letter, stupid!   
  
DR. EVIL: Um.... Mustafa?  
  
MUSTAFA: what?  
  
SCOTT: Can you read it?  
  
MUSTAFA: NEVER!  
  
SCOTT: Mustafa.... can you read the letter.  
  
MUSTAFA: NOOOO!!!!!!  
  
SCOTT: Okay.... Mustafa...... CAN YOU READ THE STUPID LETTER!!!!!!!  
  
MUSTAFA: Okay.  
  
MINI ME: Stupid. He only answers questions after you ask them three times! Don't you remember from the second movie?   
  
SCOTT: Ooops...  
  
MINI ME: ::::::reading Cracked magazine::::::: Hey, they called you Snott!! HA!  
  
SCOTT: Yeah, and I hope you're happy with the name Mini-Mush.  
  
MINI ME: IT'S NOT MY FAULT MR. BIGGLESWORTH ATE ME IN THAT COMIC!!!!!  
  
SCOTT: YEAH IT IS! IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A LITTLE PERSON!!!!!!  
  
NUMBER TWO: That's enough! That's enough!!!  
  
MUSTAFA: This letter...... says something about a school.  
  
DR. EVIL: A school? WHAT school? An evil school?  
  
SCOTT: Ugh.  
  
MUSTAFA: Called Hog-Warts or something.  
  
MINI ME: Ha! Fat Bastard would fit right in!  
  
FAT BASTARD: HEY!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MUSTAFA: It says we're invited there for a year... to do magic..... with the other students.  
  
DR. EVIL: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! EVIL IS THE GREATEST MAGIC OF THEM ALL!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
FRAU: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
NUMBER TWO: So... are we going?  
  
DR. EVIL: YES! Everyone in the spaceship!  
  
NUMBER TWO: You mean the one that looks like a giant........  
  
:::::::In a different place or something:::::::::  
  
NICK: Dick! Get over here! And bring the baseball with you!  
  
DICK: I hate having you as an older brother, Nick.  
  
::::::Back to the headquarters::::::::  
  
DR. EVIL: Yeah, that spaceship, stupid! Get in.... let's just hope there's enough room.....  
  
MINI ME: Does Fat Bastard have to come?  
  
DR. EVIL: Unfortunetly yes.  
  
MINI ME: Then I'm gonna bring a barf bag.  
  
DR. EVIL: EVERYONE INSIDE! Five seconds to blast-off.  
  
FRAU: FIVE!!!!!!!!!! FOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWO!!!!!!!! ONE!!!!!!!!! BLAST-OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
:::::The trip is smooth so far, until.........:::::::::  
  
SCOTT: Hey...... what's that smell?  
  
MINI ME: Oh no....... ::::uses barf bag:::::  
  
SCOTT: Fat Bastard, did you-  
  
FAT BASTARD: HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO INNOCENT 'TILL PROVEN GUILTY?!?  
  
MINI ME: Since when have YOU been innocent?  
  
DR. EVIL: There are oxygen masks in here, thank God.  
  
MINI ME: We're gonna land soon.... I can't believe Fat Bastard did that HERE, of all places..........  
  
NUMBER TWO: It's because he ate the mutated sea bass.  
  
FAT BASTARD: Was not!!!   
  
MUSTAFA: Uh-oh...................  
  
MINI ME: It's gonna happen again.  
  
MUSTAFA Uh-oh....................  
  
SCOTT: What?  
  
MINI ME: Mustafa's claustrophobic.  
  
MUSTAFA: LEMME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MINI ME: CALM DOWN, STUPID! WE'RE ALMOST THERE!  
  
MUSTAFA: I'M GONNA FAINT.... OH.... NO.......  
  
SCOTT: We landed! Get up!  
  
MUSTAFA: :::::fainted::::::  
  
DR. EVIL: ::::puts on oxygen mask and holds extremely long tweezers:::: Fat Bastard, give me one of your socks.  
  
FAT BASTARD: Why?  
  
DR. EVIL: DO NOT QUESTION MY SUPERIORITY!  
  
FAT BASTARD: FINE!! ::::gives him sock, and everyone barfs::::  
  
FAT BASTARD: WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY SOCK???!!!???  
  
MINI ME: IT SMELLS LIKE ROTTEN SARDINES, THAT'S WHAT!  
  
FAT BASTARD: You're just saying that.  
  
MINI ME: There's a river in Egypt called The Nile, and you're up in it to your neck!  
  
FAT BASTARD: .......Huh?  
  
NUMBER TWO: He means "denial," genius.  
  
DR. EVIL: Quiet. :::::puts sock to Mustafa's nose::::::  
  
MINI ME: Not so close. It might kill him.  
  
DR. EVIL: Like I care. ::::::Mustafa gets up:::::::  
  
MUSTAFA: What smells like sardines? ::::sees sock:::: I LOVE SARDINES! Especially when they get all squishy.  
  
MINI ME: That is Fat Bastard's sock, you lunatic!  
  
MUSTAFA: Can I keep it?  
  
FAT BASTARD: NO! It's mine!  
  
::::::They fight over the sock for a while, but Fat Bastard squishes him::::::  
  
DR. EVIL: Oh great. He fainted again.  
  
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to be continued..............  
  
Are they going to Hogwarts? Should I write another chapter to this lunacy which I call fanfiction? Tell me in a review! 


	2. Trip to Hogwarts!!! part TWO

:::::Dr. Evil took Fat Bastard's sock away and put it on Mustafa's nose again, this time with everyone equipped with clothespins. Dr. Evil threw it out the window and it landed right on someone's head.:::::::::  
  
SOMEONE: Eh! What's this sock doin' on me head?  
  
MINI ME: Hey, Fat Bastard! That guy looks just like you!  
  
FAT BASTARD: He had BLACK hair. And a BEARD. I ain't never gettin' my hair black.  
  
SOMEONE (who happens to be Hagrid): Are yeh' the guys who er' gonna be learnin' magic?  
  
DR. EVIL: ....I guess so....  
  
HAGRID: Well, follow me!  
  
::::Hagrid leads all of them inside the castle. Mini Me and Fat Bastard get lost.::::  
  
MINI ME: Oh no...... where'd they go?  
  
FAT BASTARD: Don't ask me!  
  
MINI ME: I WASN'T ASKING YOU, YOU VEGETABLE!  
  
FAT BASTARD: I am NOT a vegetable!  
  
MINI ME: Yeah, well- wait... what are those?  
  
:::::They happen to be in the broom closet.:::::  
  
FAT BASTARD: There's a book here! It's a cook book!  
  
MINI ME: You moron! It doesn't say "cooking" on it, it says "flying."  
  
FAT BASTARD: I am NOT a moron!  
  
MINI ME: Uh-huh.... look here... it says how to mount a broom and FLY IT? What kind of place IS this?  
  
FAT BASTARD: Don't ask me!  
  
MINI ME: FOR THE LAST TIME, I WAS NOT ASKING YOU, YOU CUCUMBER!  
  
FAT BASTARD: I am NOT a cucumber!  
  
MINI ME: Here we go again.  
  
:::::MEANWHILE:::::::  
  
DR. EVIL: ......... Mini Me? Fat Bastard? Where'd they go?  
  
HAGRID: It's easy ter get lost in a place like this.  
  
DR. EVIL: ::::praying that Fat Bastard isn't eating Mini Me::::  
  
::::MEANWHILE (again).........::::::::  
  
MINI ME: All right... I think this is how you mount the stupid thing....  
  
FAT BASTARD: Gimme a broom!  
  
MINI ME: You'd snap it in two, you idiot! You excede the weight capacity! These brooms can only hold up 1000 lbs. !!!!!  
  
FAT BASTARD: Well, I guess I can ride TWO brooms together.  
  
MINI ME: What's this? A FIREBOLT? COOL! I GOT THIS ONE!  
  
FAT BASTARD: NO! I want that one!  
  
MINI ME: There's plenty more brooms! Leave me alone! :::::::All of a sudden, Mini Me is flying and unable to control the broom::::::::  
  
FAT BASTARD: :::::sticking his tongue out:::: Ha ha ha ha ha! You can't fly it! Na na na na na na!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MINI ME: SHUT UP AND GET ME DOWN! THIS STUPID @#%$^@!%$# BROOM WON'T PUT ME DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
FAT BASTARD: Shut up! PG rating PG RATING!!!  
  
MINI ME: @&%#&@$^%#$@#^%$#%@$#%@ THERE'S you stupid PG rating! :::::all of a sudden, the broom flies out of the closet and into the hallway!  
  
PEEVES: Little person on Harry's firebolt! LITTLE PERSON ON HARRY'S FIREBOLT!  
  
MINI ME: Shut up!  
  
FAT BASTARD: ::::huff::: Get.... :::::puff::::::: Down.... Here...... ugh. :::::::faints from running so fast at a distance of 7 feet::::::  
  
MINI ME: This is fun now! YEAH!!!!!!!!  
  
:::::MEANWHILE:::::::::  
  
DR. EVIL: Do you... hear something?  
  
SCOTT: Huh? A swishing sound?  
  
DR. EVIL: And an earthquake? ::::all of a sudden, Mini Me goes flying past them and Fat Bastard is making an attempt to run, shaking the floor as he moves. And then.........  
  
SNAPE: WHO ARE YOU?  
  
FAT BASTARD: Can't.......... stop............  
  
SNAPE: STOP! IN THE NAME OF HOGWARTS, BOTH OF YOU STOP!  
  
MINI ME: But I'm having fun! And I don't know how to stop anyway!  
  
HAGRID: And I still got this ruddy sardine-smellin' sock on me head!  
  
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to be continued.....................  
  
What should happen next? Should I continue? What's gonna happen to the characters? Please review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	3. Trip to Hogwarts!!! part THREE

Trip to Hogwarts!!! part THREE  
  
  
SNAPE: Then take it off, stupid!  
  
HAGRID: :::backs away as if Snape is crazy::: I ain't touchin' the thing!  
  
FAT BASTARD: That's mine!  
  
SNAPE: :::nastily:: Hagrid, could this be a long lost relative of yours?  
  
HAGRID: No, 'e's too fat!  
  
FAT BASTARD: And he's got black hair! I have RED hair!  
  
SNAPE: Then are you related to Mr. Weasley? :::points at Ron, who's walking down the hallway:::  
  
RON: No way!  
  
HARRY: Hey, Ron, who're you talking to?  
  
RON: A really fat red-headed guy!  
  
:::::All of a sudden, Mini Me is flying down the hallway::::  
  
MINI ME: YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MCGONAGALL: Come down from there at once!  
  
MINI ME: I can't! I don't know how!   
  
MCGONAGAL: Accio Firebolt!  
  
:::The broom goes straight to Mcgonagall, and she catches the broom and Mini Me falls off.:::  
  
MINI ME: Ow.  
  
MCGONAGALL: Now... if we could please get on without more interruption, I'd like to direct you "evil" people to the Transfiguration class.  
  
DR. EVIL & THE OTHERS: ::::running down the hall::: Mini Me! Are you all right? ::checking over him:: There are no chew marks, right?  
  
MINI ME: ... I'm fine.  
  
FAT BASTARD: What... (huff) about... (puff) me?...... ::::falls down again from running so hard and starts breathing really fast:::::  
  
MCGONAGALL: Poppy! We got a hyperventilating fat guy here!  
  
FAT BASTARD: No... I'm... fine...  
  
MCGONAGALL: Um, never mind, Poppy.... look, we cannot afford to waste any more time. Follow me. ::::walk to the Transfiguration room:::: Good. Now..... as I know, you all have SOME magic blood in you, although that is extremely hard to believe...   
  
NUMBER TWO: Look what Mustafa's doing!  
  
::::Mustafa is turning different colors::::  
  
MCGONAGALL: Ugh. Some people have allergic reactions to this room, and-  
  
SNAPE: Perhaps they need some fresh air. Like OUTSIDE. Away from the castle where they can wreak havoc without doing damage.  
  
MCGONAGALL: Maybe they need a room that's a little cooler... how about doing potions instead, Severus?  
  
SNAPE: :::Cringes since his plan to get the "evil" people away from the castle didn't work::: I don't think it would be necessary...  
  
MINI ME: You're name's Severus?!? Ha!  
  
SNAPE: :::gives Mini Me a warning look::: Maybe I can use this one for a mop to clean the bathroom?  
  
DR. EVIL: :::gives Snape a warning look, and then they exchange warning looks for the next minute or so until...  
  
MCGONAGALL: ....well? Let's go already! To Professor Snape's room!  
  
HAGRID: GET THIS RUDDY SOCK OFF ME HEAD!!!!  
  
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to be continued.......  
  
what should happen next? Wait, I'm the author, I guess I gotta think of that..... oh well. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!! I BEG OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!! 


	4. Trip to Hogwarts!!! part FOUR

FAT BASTARD: Oh..... oops.  
  
HAGRID: I'm waiiiitinggggg!!  
  
FAT BASTARD: HOLD YER' HORSES! :::takes sock off Hagrid's head:::  
  
HAGRID: Yippee!!!!!1  
  
SNAPE: All right... enough! Just... follow me, okay? I don't think I can put up with this much longer...  
  
MINI ME: ::::whispering to Fat Bastard::::: what's that in your pocket?  
  
FAT BASTARD: A magic stick!  
  
MINI ME: WHAT?  
  
FAT BASTARD: I waved it around and asked for donuts, and it gave me donuts! That's why it's a magic stick!  
  
MINI ME: You moron! That's a wand!  
  
FAT BASTARD: ..................................oh.  
  
MINI ME: Give me that!  
  
FAT BASTARD: It's MY magic stick. Find your own.   
  
MINI ME: No, really, I'll give it right back. I just want to do something... come on, just for a minute!  
  
FAT BASTARD: No!  
  
MINI ME: Then I'll hurt you!  
  
FAT BASTARD: You can't hurt me! I'm bigger than you!  
  
MINI ME: Well? Austin Powers was bigger than me, and I beat the crap outa him!  
  
FAT BASTARD: All right... you can BORROW my magic stick for a minute. If you don't give it back soon, I'll eat you!  
  
MINI ME: ::::breathing hard:::::::: Don't scare me like that!  
  
FAT BASTARD: Whatever. ::::gives Mini Me "Magic Stick"::::::  
  
MINI ME: Cool..... um..... Turn the greasy guy into a... a... a...  
  
FAT BASTARD: BABY-BACK RIBS!!!!!  
  
:::::everyone hears this outburst, and Mini Me puts the "Magic Stick" behind his back:::::  
  
MINI ME: Um... he's delirious... too much running.  
  
::::::everyone exchanges puzzled glances, and then walks down the stairs to the dungeon. Mini Me forgets about the "Magic Stick," which he put in his pocket.::::::  
  
SNAPE: Finally. Now, let us get this over with, shall we?  
  
MCGONAGALL: Now, now, we've got plenty of time.   
  
SNAPE: ;;;thinking;;; :::is she trying to KILL me? I'm gonna get revenge one of these days, I swear...::::::  
  
SNAPE: All right, open up your books. And now- what's that smell?  
  
MINI ME: Maybe you're head's overcooking the french fries.  
  
SNAPE: .......what? ::::looks up:::: OH MY GOD!!!! :::::takes out his wand and stops his head:::::  
  
MINI ME: ::::whispering:::: I turned his head into a frying pan. I guess I didn't really forget about that "Magic Stick" after all, huh?  
  
SNAPE: Now, if you must know, I have unbelievably acute senses. What this means is that I HEARD YOU!  
  
MINI ME: It's Fat Bastard's "Magic Stick!" Blame him, not me!  
  
FAT BASTARD: I want donuts!!!! :::::donuts appear:::::  
  
SNAPE: :::forgetting what he was talking about::: ...a wand?... that can work?... without proper incantations?  
  
FAT BASTARD: I want mustard! ::::mustard appears::::::  
  
MINI ME: Eww! you put mustard on donuts?  
  
FAT BASTARD: It's a delicacy in Madagascar.  
  
MINI ME: .....we aren't in Madagascar, you moron!  
  
FAT BASTARD: ::sticks his tongue out at Mini Me:::   
  
MINI ME: Why, you-  
  
SNAPE: GIVE ME THAT! ::::grabs Fat Bastard's "Magic Stick"::::  
  
FAT BASTARD: HEY!!!!  
  
SNAPE: This... what do you call this?  
  
FAT BASTARD: That is MY MAGIC STICK!  
  
SNAPE: A magic stick? Oh, you don't know anything!  
  
FAT BASTARD: I'm gonna squish you!  
  
SNAPE: ::::ignoring Fat Bastard::: I have to bring this to Dumbeldore. ::::::sprints out of his room::::::  
  
FAT BASTARD: GIVE IT BACK!!! ::::runs after Snape:::::  
  
DR. EVIL: ::::making a potion:::::::: Look at this!  
  
MINI ME: What's that supposed to do?  
  
DR. EVIL: If you drink it, you get wings and start smelling like Fat Bastard...  
  
MINI ME: Ugh! Throw it away!  
  
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to be continued...................  
  
Please review! There is more to come! Much more.... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! -ahem- ::::cough cough::::  



	5. Trip to Hogwarts!!! part FIVE

a/n: In a review, someone told me I spelled "Hogwarts" wrong in the title. But I think I'm going to leave it like that because it sort of looks funny.  
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MINI ME: Smelling like Fat Bastard? That's a death potion!   
  
FRAU: No, it's worse!  
  
MEANWHILE............................................  
  
RON: Harry, when's the next Quidditch practice?  
  
HARRY: I don't know. We're gonna need a new captain since Wood graduated.  
  
RON: Hey, maybe you could be captain! You are the best on the team.  
  
HARRY: I don't think so.  
  
:::Harry and Ron are still talking about Quidditch when they see a large black dog in the hallway:::::::::  
  
HARRY: Sirius!  
  
:::::Sirius the dog runs away, and they follow him into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Sirius transforms into a human.::::::::::::::  
  
SIRIUS: I don't think anyone will find us here. Harry, did you know that some evil peopl-  
  
HARRY: Yes. Unfortunetly, yes.   
  
RON: We've had an unfortunate meeting in the hallway.  
  
SIRIUS: Listen. You have to get them out of here. FAST.  
  
HARRY: Why?  
  
SIRIUS: Didn't you watch the Austin Powers movie?!?  
  
RON: What's a movie?  
  
SIRIUS: Oh, never mind. Well, these guys are up to no good. You are going to have to get them out of here. Oh- and where's Hermione?  
  
RON: She's gotten the flu.  
  
SIRIUS: Tell her to get well soon. Please try to get those people to leave!  
  
HARRY: I especially want to get rid of the one that rode my broom.  
  
MEANWHILE..................................  
  
::::In Dumbledore's office, where Snape's showing Dumbledore the "magic stick":::::::::::::  
  
DUMBLEDORE: This is indeed an important discovery, and-  
  
::::Fat Bastard and Mini Me burst in through the door::::  
  
SNAPE: How did YOU get in here?!?  
  
MINI ME: He crashed in. There's this big Fat Bastard shaped hole in your wall. We're not paying for repairs.  
  
FAT BASTARD: GIVE ME MY MAGIC STICK!!!!!!  
  
SNAPE: This is school property!  
  
FAT BASTARD: OH YEAH??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?? ::::lunges toward Snape::::  
  
SNAPE: AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MINI ME: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
DR. EVIL: There you are!  
  
MCGONAGALL: ::::::ignoring the commotion:::::: It's time for transfiguration! The others are already in my room. Come on.   
  
FAT BASTARD: I'm not going anywhere without my magic stick.  
  
MCGONAGALL: Then you leave me no choice. Accio fat guy!   
  
::::Fat Bastard rises a couple feet in the air, and then the spell makes him lungle toward McGonagall.  
  
MCGONAGALL: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!! :::::runs away, with Fat Bastard following, suspended in the air::::::::::  
  
MINI ME: Ha! Hey lady, don't worry, anyone can outrun him!  
  
MCGONAGALL: ::::::still screaming:::::::  
  
FAT BASTARD: :::::still following::::::::  
  
DR. EVIL: Oh dear. It looks like that lady is going to be... squashed? MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MCGONAGALL: Reverse spell! REVERSE SPELL!  
  
:::Fat Bastard hits the ground, and a sort of earthquake hits the whole school, and some people also feel it in Africa.::::  
  
MINI ME: That McGonagall person wants us for trans-iggy-nation or whatever.  
  
SNAPE: I'LL GET YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MINI ME & DR. EVIL & FAT BASTARD: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :::::run out of Dumbledore's office, closely followed by Snape::::::::  
  
DUMBLEDORE: :::::ignoring them::::::: Hmm.... I ought to try out this "magic stick," just to see if it works. Bring me coffee! :::::coffee appears:::::::: It really does work!  
  
FAT BASTARD: :::running past dumbledore's office, stopping for a second:::::: You can really get used to that magic stick! ::::runs away, with Snape following and angrily crying out disgusting swearwords::::::  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Hmm......magic stick, bring those three to the Transfiguration room! ::::Mini Me, Dr. Evil, and Fat Bastard get transported to the room. Snape stands there for a second, bewildered, and then looks at Dumbledore in shock:::::::::  
  
SNAPE: Why'd you do that?   
  
DUMBLEDORE: We can't have them being late for class.  
  
SNAPE: ARRRRRGHHHHHHH!!!!! AM I THE ONLY SANE PERSON IN THIS GODFORSAKEN SCHOOL?!?!?!!??!?  
  
HARRY: No, it's just the opposite!  
  
SNAPE: 50 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!  
  
HARRY: But it's opposite day! Since it's opposite day, you meant you were insane, and I meant the opposite of what I said! So I didn't actually say anything bad!... although if I wasn't saying anything against you being insane, that isn't too good... but still, you are the one who said it-  
  
SNAPE: ANOTHER 50 POINTS FOR BEING SMART WITH ME!  
  
RON: Let's go, Harry, before he takes anything else off.  
  
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to be continued!!!!  
  
please review!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Trip to Hogwarts!!! part SIX

SNAPE: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR! HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?!?  
  
RON: ...Not really...  
  
SNAPE: 1,000,000,0-  
  
DUMBLEDORE: All right, Severus, I do think you are being a bit unfair. :::Snape looks at Dumbledore angrily, and tries not to yell.:::::  
  
SNAPE: Yes, Headmaster. :::::Walks off angrily, muttering swearwords:::::  
  
::::::Dumbledore looks at Harry and Ron:::::  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Don't worry. There aren't any points taken from Gryffindor.  
  
HARRY: Phew. Thank you.  
  
IN TRANSFIGURATION...............................................................  
  
MCGONAGALL: All right... Is everyone here? Hmm... The short bald one... Yeah, he's here... the tall bald one... Yeah, him too... The guy with the red hat thing.... yeah, he's here.... The fat person.... Uh-huh..... Girl with the loud voice... yep. Well, I guess that's enough people.  
  
FRAU: What about Scott?  
  
MINI ME: He comes later!  
  
MUSTAFA: Oh no! I've been turned into a newt!  
  
::::People look at him strangely:::::  
  
MINI ME: I think you need to lie down.   
  
DR. EVIL: And I think you watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail a few too many times.  
  
MUSTAFA: What types of noises do newts make?  
  
MINI ME: Um... I think they just say their names over and over, like Pokémon or whatever..  
  
MUSTAFA: Newt! Newt Newt Newt!  
  
DR. EVIL: Uh-oh.  
  
MUSTAFA: I AM A NEWT! HAIL TO ME!!!!!!!  
  
MCGONAGALL: Somebody get that man to the hospital wing AT ONCE!  
  
SCOTT: Hey, how come I'm not mentioned in here?  
  
MCGONAGALL: Who are you?  
  
SCOTT: I'm Scott! Frau's son!  
  
FRAU: Son!  
  
SCOTT: Mom!  
  
MINI ME: ::points middle finger at Scott::  
  
SCOTT: We have to keep this at a PG rating, stupid!  
  
MINI ME: Ketchup-breath!  
  
FAT BASTARD: Ketchup? Did someone say Ketchup? I love ketchup!  
  
SCOTT: Meat face!  
  
FAT BASTARD: There are many different varieties of ketchup, you know.  
  
MINI ME: Pork-chop breath!  
  
FAT BASTARD: It even has a different variety of names! Some people call it Ketchup, and others call it Catsup! I prefer Ketchup, personally.  
  
SCOTT: Computer-moniter!  
  
MINI ME: Street Light!  
  
MCGONAGALL: QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
FAT BASTARD: Some ketchup is red, others are green, and some are yellow... but you should really stay away from the yellow kind. It can have some nasty purple stuff in it.  
  
MCGONAGALL: ACCIO FAT GUY!!!!!!!!! :::::McGonagall points her wand out the window, and Fat Bastard gets sent in that general direction and crashes through the window (or almost):::::::  
  
FAT BASTARD: Mmmf- I'm stuck!  
  
MINI ME: Like I said before, we're not paying for repairs for any Fat-Bastard shaped holes.  
  
SCOTT: Mini-Me, your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of elderberries!!!!!  
  
MINI ME: Hey, you stole that from Monty Python! Just like Mustafa! And how dare you insult your own father, you pig-breath!  
  
SCOTT: Horse-teeth!  
  
MINI ME: Herring!  
  
SCOTT: Credit card!  
  
MINI ME: Be-Wait, did you just call me a credit card?  
  
SCOTT: Washing machine! Come on, I'm ahead of you!  
  
MINI ME: You are- wait!- a piece of gross stuff and you have a head of lettuce! Ha! NOW who's winning?  
  
SCOTT: You're an oven, or any other house appliance!  
  
MCGONAGALL: QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MINI ME: Frau can yell louder than you! Ha!  
  
FRAU: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MCGONAGALL: :::taking deep breaths::: Please. Do you want to learn Transfiguration or not?  
  
DR. EVIL: Can I have a hot pocket?  
  
MCGONAGALL: Listen. Each of you, take a wand.  
  
FAT BASTARD: MAGIC STICKS OF MANY VARIETIES!!!!!  
::::All of a sudden, all the wands turn into magic sticks!::::::::::  
  
MINI ME: I guess if he says a wand is a magic stick, it turns into a magic stick!  
  
MCGONAGALL: Magic stick or not, you still need to learn. Now- there is a toothpick on each of your desks- Mr. Fat Person, do not use the toothpick!... all right. Now repeat after me: Toothandus felinus!  
:::McGonagall's toothpick turns into a cat. Fat Bastard managed to turn his into... can you guess?  
  
FAT BASTARD: KETCHUP!!!!!!!!! OH BOY!!!  
  
MINI ME: He got it sort of right. It has whiskers.  
  
FAT BASTARD: This ketchup is alive?!?  
  
DR. EVIL: I'm afraid so.  
  
FAT BASTARD: Pleeeeeeeease, can I keep her? I'll feed her and play with her and clean up after her! Oh- and her name's Brenda! Brenda Bastard Ketchup! It's a good name, isn't it?  
  
MCGONAGALL: Enough! Now- put your cats down- or in Mr. Fat Person's case, ketchup- and we will be transforming it into a giraffe.  
  
FAT BASTARD: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I WILL SAVE YOU, BRENDA!!!!  
:::Fat Bastard and Brenda Bastard Ketchup are out the window completely, and they fall right on top of the giant squid!!!!:::::::  
  
FAT BASTARD: Uh-oh.  
  
SQUID: RRRRRRROOOOOAAARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
to be continued..............................................  
  
please review! maybe I should add some more characters to this... who knows how many chapters it's going to have? 


	7. Trip to Hogwarts!!! part SEVEN

A/N: took something from "Hey Arnold"  
------------------------------------  
SQUID: ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! YOU WOKE ME UP, YOU, YOU...... FAT PERSON!!!!  
  
FAT BASTARD: Um..... Nice squid! Good squid! I LIKE fried squid!  
  
SQUID: RRRRRRRRROOOOOOAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MINI ME: He's doomed. YAY! LET'S CELEBRATE!  
  
SQUID: Listen, buddy. I'd eat you, but you're probably high in cholesterol. Sorry... maybe if you lose a hundred pounds or so!  
  
MINI ME: Jenny Craig couldn't help him lose half a pound.  
  
SCOTT: Shut up, you kitchen appliance!  
  
MINI ME: Not again...  
  
DUMBLEDORE: EVERYONE!!!! INTO THE GREAT HALL!!!  
  
:::::everyone is transported to the Great Hall.:::::::::::::  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Now, as you all know, this fat person has the ability to turn magic wands into... um... what were they called again, Severus?  
  
SNAPE: "Magic sticks," Sir.   
  
DUMBLEDORE: Yes... now, we all know that these could revolutionize the magic industry...  
  
FAT BASTARD: I still got Brenda.  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Yes... now, as I was saying...  
  
FAT BASTARD: You're a GOOD ketchup! :::in baby voice:::: Yes you are, yes you are! I could just eat you up!  
  
MINI ME: Watch out, Brenda!  
  
DUMBLEDORE: No more interruptions! Of course, we know that "Magic Sticks" will not let students use their brains to conduct magic... if they say something, it will happen. And we all know how powerful Voldemort could get if he got his hands on one of these "Magic Sticks." Therefore, we must keep them locked up. Only the students who have achieved the most will get one.  
  
FAT BASTARD: WHAT?!? But they're MINE! I turned 'em into those sticks, and I'd bet I could turn 'em back!!  
  
MINI ME: Uh-oh. I think Fat Bastard might be growing a brain.  
  
FAT BASTARD: Your welcome, Me Mini.  
  
MINI ME: Ugh...  
  
FAT BASTARD: MAGIC STICKS TURN BACK!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
:::::The magic sticks turn into regular wands.:::::::::::::  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Oh... why'd you go and do a thing like that?  
  
FAT BASTARD: Brenda told me to. .....what was that, Brenda? You want me to wreak havoc in the Hogwarts hallways? .......That would be pretty evil, of course.......  
  
DR. EVIL: Way to go, Fat Bastard!  
  
FAT BASTARD: Come on, Brenda Bastard Ketchup, let's go scare the little kids in the hallway! ::::strikes terror into the hearts of a lot of first-years, and then comes back:::::::::  
  
DUMBLEDORE: Stop that!  
  
DR. EVIL: You've been promoted, Fat Bastard!  
  
FAT BASTARD: ......what was that, Brenda? OH! Brenda says she's in love with Mr. Bigglesworth!  
  
BIGGLESWORTH: Meow.  
  
DR. EVIL: Mr. Bigglesworth says he might consider going out with Brenda if she meets up to his standards.  
  
BIGGLESWORTH: Meow.  
  
DR. EVIL: Mr. Bigglesworth says that he'd like to get married because Brenda is coming up with many evil ideas.  
  
BIGGLESWORTH: Meow.  
  
DR. EVIL: Mr. Bigglesworth wants to go home! Come on, into the spaceship that looks like a giant-  
--------------------  
::scene is cut to Nick and Dick frying hotdogs.::::::::::  
DICK: Wiener?  
NICK: Oh... no thanks, Dick, I don't want a hot dog. I don't really like them that much. They taste like kitty litter when they're cooked out... especially by YOU!  
DICK: Why, you..... ::::::::Dick and Nick are fighting each other for the next seven and a quarter minutes.::::::::  
--------------------  
::::scene is cut to Dr. Evil and the rest in the space ship.::::::  
  
SCOTT: You can see for miles through this little window that Mustafa installed. Wait..... I see the lake, but where's the giant squid?  
  
::::Everyone looks at Fat Bastard, and he BELCHES EXTREMELY LOUDLY::::::::  
  
DR. EVIL: SICK!!! And the space ship is filled with gas!!! TOO MUCH FUEL! TOO MUCH FUEL!!!!!  
  
::::the little red warning lights go on very quickly.::::::::  
  
DR. EVIL: We don't have control over where we're going! This sucks, Mr. Bigglesworth!  
  
BIGGLESWORTH: Meow.  
  
DR. EVIL: Mr. Bigglesworth says this is all Fat Bastard's fault and that he should go jump in the septic tank!  
  
BIGGLESWORTH: Meow.  
  
DR. EVIL: Mr. Bigglesworth says we should throw Fat Bastard out of the ship!  
  
BIGGLESWORTH: Meow.  
  
DR. EVIL: Mr. Bigglesworth says-  
  
SCOTT: WILL YOU SHUT UP AND HELP ME OPERATE THIS STUPID SHIP?!?  
  
DR. EVIL: Don't you talk to your father that way!  
  
SCOTT: :::sticks his tongue out::: THHHHBBBPPPTHHPBBPTHPBBTH!!!!!  
  
DR. EVIL: Why, you little b-  
  
FRAU: LOOK!!! WE'RE GOING DOWN!!  
  
DR. EVIL: Aww, Frau, you didn't let me finish my swear word! It was very evil, too...  
  
SCOTT: OH, SHUT UP, YOU MORON!  
  
::::Dr. Evil and Scott start punching each other out. All the evil people watch them. Meanwhile, Mr. Bigglesworth is operating the ship.:::::::  
  
BIGGLESWORTH: Meow. ::::::We're coming in for a landing:::::::  
  
BIGGLESWORTH: Meow. ::::OH NO!!!! WE'RE OUT OF CONTROL!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!::::::::::::::::  
  
::::::They land in a creepy place..... a front lawn!!! Everyone gets out of the spaceship.:::::::  
  
DR. EVIL: Fat Bastard, you almost smooshed me!  
  
FAT BASTARD: Sorry...  
  
:::A lady with a pale face and dark hair, a pale-faced man with dark hair, a fat bald man, a thin girl with black hair, a fat boy with blonde hair and a striped shirt, an old lady, and a disembodied hand walk out of the creepy place, which is a mansion.:::::::::::::  
  
SCOTT: Look! It's the Addams Family!  
  
DR. EVIL: Oooh..... I think we'd be happy here. All except........  
  
FAT BASTARD: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! NO ONE COOKS WHAT I LIKE HERE!!!!!!!! I'M DOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!  
  
MINI ME: Well, what do you know! A happy ending!!!  
  
----------------------------------  
As you may have guessed, the story "Trip to Hogwarts" has been ended with the Addams family. It's over, so there aren't any more new chapters. I hoped you liked this demented, deranged, crazy story!  
  
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  



End file.
